My spouse wants a lesbian fan but can it end our marriage?

My spouse wants a lesbian fan but can it end our marriage?


For 12 years, my relationship with my spouse happens to be a good one in all aspects. We love one another dearly and our sex-life is fantastic.

But about eight months ago my partner began to ask in a playful, non-serious method the way I would feel concerning the idea of having an other woman join us for intercourse sessions. I thought she ended up being joking and reacted correctly.

3 months ago my spouse explained she had come to realise that she ended up being bisexual. She asked once again the way I felt about an other woman joining us every so often, or if I became not more comfortable with this, how would we felt about her continuing a relationship with a female sometimes?

She guaranteed me personally it might never ever impact the caliber of y our relationship whatsoever.

We informed her I became unhappy about either situation, but by surprise and I needed some time to think about it that she had taken me. Fleetingly a short while later we informed her myself engaged in any kind of sexual relationship with anyone else that I could not live in a relationship where either my wife or.

I understand that a lot of males would love the idea probably of getting two females during intercourse, however it’s crucial that you me which our sex-life stays ‘ours only’. Within my heart personally i think that if she took another fan it can spell the termination of the partnership over time.

A couple of weeks ago my spouse dropped another bombshell.

She told me over since our last discussion and she felt I was being unfair that she had been thinking it. She stated the actual fact she is bisexual means that no matter how much we love one another, and no matter how good our sex life is, she can never be fully fulfilled in one aspect of her life that she knows.

She claims she seems in this aspect of her sexuality, and she should be allowed to explore this side of her nature that it’s only adultery if she was to sleep with another man, but the very fact that I am male means it’s impossible for me to fulfil her.

We stuck to my firearms about this matter, but she stated that she felt that she would need to end the wedding, against her desires, because she had to at the very least experience intercourse with a female. That’s where it was left by us.

Have always been i truly being unreasonable become therefore against her having a lover that is female? We can’t stay the concept of losing her, particularly when she does not desire our relationship to get rid of. Have always been I being unfair to her or less than understanding not to ever permit the marriage to carry on if she’s a feminine fan?


David writes:

You are in a situation that is awful and I also’m really sorry certainly to listen to about this. No, I don’t think you are being at all ‘unreasonable’ or ‘unfair’. Many husbands would not were as understanding as you have been, and might have simply ‘gone from the deep end’.

By the method, from past experience, I would say it really is very most most likely that your particular spouse already has many other girl in your mind. She could even went a way in the future to a real relationship with her.

This is certainly all really unfortunate, since there is a higher opportunity that it will end in the termination of the wedding. The most useful hope could be for your needs along with your missus to get together for counselling. Relate are accustomed to working with these ‘three in a bed’ problems and they’ve got branches in your county.

Christine adds:

We too have always been extremely sorry to listen to of one’s situation. It appears if you ask me that anything you do, or whatever your lady chooses to complete, your relationship is never likely to be exactly like it had been.

Nonetheless, that will not suggest this has become terrible. Personally I think by using such love while you have between you, it may possibly be possible to save lots of the wedding, though it’s not likely to be effortless.

I would personally state that Relate counselling is essential. Could I also claim that you contact an organization called FFLAG. This is short for Friends and Families of Lesbians and Gays. They must be in a position to offer somebody for you really to communicate with – somebody who has undergone what you are being forced to work through now. Their helpline figures are 01454 852418 or 00845-6520314.

You have possessed a hell of the shock, but while you state your lady happens to be truthful to you – so far as we are able to inform. If you are prepared to work hard to save your marriage so you do need to ask yourself. If you are to save lots of it, it will require compromise on both sides.

Dr David Delvin, GP, and Christine Webber, intercourse and relationships expert

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